Kendimi bildim bileli dizilerin, filmlerin, kitapların ve sohbet ortamlarının konusudur bu. Evlilik aşkı öldürüyor mu? Ben sadece bir senedir evliyim, fakat kalabalık aile ve insanların hayatları hakkında konuşmayı seven toplumumuz sağolsun. Henüz çocukken aşkı öldürenin evlilik olmadığını anlama fırsatım oldu.
Ben bu konuyu öncelikle bireysellikten ele almak istiyorum. Çünkü insanların kendi evliliklerini isteyerek ya da istemeyerek sabote ettiklerine yemin edebilirim. Ve bu sabotaj henüz evlenmeden başlıyor. Yani şöyle ki insanoğlu için birliktelikler çok kolay bir şekilde yolculuğun kendisi olmaktan çıkarak, “onca emek verildi” diye varılacak bir durak haline getiriliyor. Bu durağa varabilmek bir amaç haline geliyor, sizi ve ilişkiyi değiştiriyor. Ve sonunda o durağa vardığınızda, artık istediğinizden bile emin olmadığınız bir evcilik oyunu içinde buluyorsunuz kendinizi.
Gün içerisinde birbiriyle konuşacak tek bir konusu olmadan, hayatta tek bir ortak hedefi olmadan 10-20 sene evli kalan insanlar tanıyorum. Herkesin hayatı kendine, evet. Fakat ben buna saygı duymuyorum. Aşk nerede? Birinci, ikinci ayda bir yerlerde kaybolmuş ve bitmiş bile.
Bir şeylerin ters gitmesi önce davranışlar ve fiziksel değişimler ile başlıyor. O “nasıl olsa son durağa ulaşıldı” duygusunun zehri akıyor. İki taraf da kendine daha az bakmaya başlıyor. Aynı evde yaşamanın asla vermemesi gereken o “oda arkadaşı” rahatlığı geliyor. Ben demiyorum evde gece kıyafeti full makyaj gezilmesi gerekiyor. Fakat karşınızdaki insan sırf sizinle hayatı paylaşmak adına bir imza attı diye, kişisel bakım ve saygınızdan ödün verebileceğiniz anlamına gelmiyor. Bütün problem bu değil mi zaten? “Nasıl olsa evlendik artık” saçmalığı. Beni yanlış anlamayın, bunu erkekler de çok kötü şekillerde yapabiliyor. Hatta ne yazık ki bizim toplumumuzda bu, fiziksel şiddet olarak kendini çok sık gösteriyor. Kabul edilir cinsten bir durum değil. Saniyesinde bitirilmesi gereken evlilikler, senelerce saygısızca ve amaçsızca devam ediyor.
Sanırım öncelikle anlamamız gereken evliliğin sürdürülmek zorunda bir şey değil, içinde mutlu hissediyor olmamız gereken bir kurum olduğu.
Bir diğer evlenildiğinde aşkı bitiren faktörün, özel alan olduğundan bahsetmek isterim. Ve bu düşünüldüğünden çok daha önemli. Benim evliliğimin temel bir taşı olarak nitelendirebilirim. Normalde bu konuda zorlanan taraf benim ve bu konuda beni mümkün en nazik ve iyi yöntemlerle eğiten İsveçli eşim.
Hayatın ve aynı evde yaşamanın getirdiğini bütün sorumlulukları eşit bir şekilde paylaşmak çok değerli. Erkeğin/kadının yapacağı işler şeklinde hiç bir ayrım bulunmuyor. Benim eşim kendini yemek yaptığında daha az erkek hissedecek ise, ortada ciddi bir problem vardır. Ve ben çalışma saatini fazlasıyla yerine getirmiş olan eşim eve geldiğinde, yapmayı sevdiği şeylere vakit ayırmasına saygı duymayıp zamanını kendim ile doldurmaya çalışacak isem, bunun yürümesi imkansız olurdu. “Ben” zamanı çok önemli. Her iki taraf için de.
İlk günkü kadar aşık kalmak mümkün müdür?
Sanmıyorum. Bir insanı ilk tanırkenki o ilgi ve heyecanınızın aynı kalması çok olanaklı değil. Duygularınız tanıdıkça azalıp olumsuzlaşabilir, bu ayrılmayı ya da boşanmayı gerektirir. Bir diğer seçenek tanıdıkça azalan heyecanınızın yerini güven ve bağlılık duygusunun alması olucaktır.
Bana sorucak olursanız bir evliliği aşık ve ayakta tutabilmenin en güzel yolu, kendini sürekli geliştirmeye ve bunu sizinle paylaşarak yaşamaya açık biriyle beraber olmak. Çünkü sürekli farklı yönlerini göreceğiniz, yeniden ve gelişerek değişecek bu insana her seferinde tekrar aşık olabilirsiniz. Ben aşka zaman biçen insanlara inanmıyorum. Onların umutsuzluğuna üzüldüğümü söyleyebilirim. Bu onların değişmeye, gelişmeye ve bunu paylaşmaya niyetlerinin olmadığına işaret benim gözümde.
Uzun lafın kısası, aşkı evlilik değil, ancak taraflar öldürebilir. Farklı düşünüyorsanız ya da bana katılıyorsanız, yorumlarınız beni çok mutlu eder.
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